I need to stop trying so hard & just do what I want

Looking through my previous posts, I already feel like I should delete them and start from scratch. They’re cringey as hell and come off as way too apologetic. It’s nearly impossible to go into something like blogging or making youtube videos without any preconceived ideas of what “works”; the trick is to ignore all those ideas and just do whatever the fuck you want to do.

So that’s what I’m going to start doing. I’m not gonna start off with “I’m new to this, I’m so sorry if it’s shit!!!!” because I already know it’s pretty much shit. But its MY shit and since it’s my shit, I say it’s good shit.

I graduate in less than 3 months. I have no solid post-grad plans, and everyone around me seems to be figuring stuff out even though they say they’re not. Meanwhile, last night I couldn’t sleep and considered making a video for my YouTube debut in which I discuss my “chapstick conspiracy theories”. (I still haven’t totally ruled it out – so if you make internet content, don’t take that shit or I’ll sue your ass). The point is, I don’t feel like I have a lot planned out, but I’m happy and I’m going with the flow and that’s what life should be when your 22, amiright or amiright?? For the sake of that happiness I just mentioned, IM FRIGGEN RIGHT.

I just remembered that my sister started writing some words on the internet recently so I’m gonna swing over there and see how much progress she’s made. Unrelated, but I’m also realizing how into beauty/skincare/makeup I am and I’m choosing to embrace it. I think a main reason I’m so drawn to it is that for me it all circles back to the idea of #selfcare and #selflove and #treatyoself which are all things that make me feel good in life. And I added the hashtags because I’m a friggen millenial so just ignore them if they annoy you. Chances are I’ll look back at this in 2 days and get annoyed too so just go with it.

I’m suspiciously tired for it to be 7:13 pm so I’m going to go try to get some more reading done for class before I fall down the YouTube wormhole and fall asleep to “8 hours of soothing rainfall on pavement”. [I’ve done this the past 4 nights, it’s worked at least twice so that’s a win in my book.]

Bye ya’ll // stay fly


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