It’s been nearly three weeks since I’ve last posted, not that anyone cares, but to try and avoid accidentally drifting off into the internet abyss I’m gonna attempt to stick to a regular posting schedule from now on. I’m starting with just one post a week because that seems manageable, and I’m arbitrarily choosing Thursday as the day I’ll upload. So it’s official, here in writing (that I can later go back and edit/delete, but for the sake of the argument we’ll pretend it’s written in stone) I, Katie Valach, will upload a post about something every Thursday of every week.
My excuse/reason for falling off a bit recently is at least a good one! I’ve been spending most of my time either researching independent publishing house internships, reading books from those publishing houses that I want to intern at, or writing cover letters in order to apply to those publishing houses. I try to remind myself that this is the part of my “journey” where I have to “keep grinding” and “work hard for my dreams” but at the moment it’s truly an emotional roller coaster, as dramatic as that sounds. One day I’ll convince myself that I am qualified for these internships, I meet all the requirements listed in the position’s description, and I wrote a pretty solid cover letter. Then, approximately four minutes later, the same voice that was just cheering me on and encouraging me to daydream about my future life as an intern is reminding me that editorial internships are some of the most competitive internships in all the land and the people that are applying for the same positions as me already have more experience than I do and are probably more familiar with the house’s authors and books and probably go to the local college and then I continue to spiral from there.
As easy as it is to lose myself in the wormhole of “you’re not good enough” or “you are falling behind” I try to remind myself that there is no “right” way to do life. As cliche as it sounds, it’s okay if you don’t follow the “graduate high school, go to college, graduate college, get a job” timeline. There are plenty of people in my life that still think this is the only way to lead a “successful” life, but I’m extremely grateful and incredibly lucky to have so many others who understand that it’s okay to go at your own pace.
I couldn’t ask for a more supportive and understanding mom, and as much as I know he used to be a “there’s a right way to do this” kind of guy, my dad had since come around to the idea of me figuring things out on my own terms too. My friends provide the comic relief when I need it, especially the ones who are in the same boat as me. My fellow English-major and best friend Carly matches every self-deprecating remark I make with an even better one and together we wallow in self-pity and laugh to keep the tears at bay!1 We are fine!!1!! We are thriving11!!! But honestly, without her and our other best friend Alicia to lift me up when I start piling on the self-deprecation a bit TOO much, I don’t know where I’d be. They give me a reason to take a break, step back, and enjoy the life I’m living RIGHT NOW and the people that I have in my life RIGHT NOW, because one day those RIGHT NOWS will turn into a BACK THEN and I want to be able to remember as much of them as I can.
Figuring out your future isn’t something that happens in a day, and sometimes it never happens at all. All I want right now is to have a next step; something to get me out of this space of waiting and into the space of doing.
If you made it this far, thanks for indulging me and my stupid rant. I hope to write a post sometime soon about how I got one of the internships I’m putting all my time into and how excited I am to have a next step!
-K
thelavenderhours 